Make no mistake about it, I am in trouble. Heaps and heaps of trouble.

The work is piling up at such a fast rate that it's not even funny anymore. And it's not like in secondary school where you can miss a few lessons and still know what's going on. Right now, I'm clueless. Miss a few more lessons and I might as well not come to school anymore. I'm struggling to keep up with work. The lack of time isn't helping me out either. And history is just kicking my butt right now. While people are busy asking questions about history topics I'm sitting there blindly highlighting stuff without the faintest idea what's going on. I can't take it anymore. I just can't. Maybe I really have met insurmountable odds this time.

Choir is the reason I don't have time these days. I do realize that the SYF is coming soon and we do need to work hard. But I don't think my body can take much more of it. Day by day I feel a bit of my voice draining away. I think sickness will come soon after. Reaching home at 9 every day is not funny. Spending more than 14 hours a day in school is not funny.

Campaigning has been so hectic, I've half a mind to stop campaigning altogether. Maybe people will vote for me since I'm not irritating anybody.

Maybe I'm a fool, trying to bring about something that looks hopeless. Something so mediocre compared to the other things worrying me at the moment, yet I'm letting it distract me so much. I know I need to stop, and yet, I just can't.

It's only a matter of time before I go crazy and have a nervous breakdown. It's all I can do now to prolong it. Feels almost like cancer.

Umph. Campaigning as hit a speedbump at the moment, since I forgot my collarpin + nametag. Which is stupid since teachers are going to pick on council noms for every small thing.

In the meantime, I am still thinking of an ingenious idea to publicize myself which dosent break my bank. Hope I won't go crazy all of a sudden. I'm more and more prone to that these days.

And I still need to write my 2-minute speech. Oh no.

---

Yesterday was pretty tiring. After choir practice, in which I find my voice decaying slowly ( which is a good thing since it shows I'm not slacking), I had to run down to Shaw Tower to atc a History movie which Mr Chua recommended us to watch. After being mercilessly heckled by Sheena and Vanessa for a while, the movie started.

Damn, it was stupid. I'm not about to describe her and waste my time. Bascially, don't watch Memories of Dien Bien Phu. People have a way of turning perfectly good war movies into time-wasting sop stories. Which is why I walked away feeling like I learnt as much from that movie and Bertrand learns from Chemistry. At least part of it was funny. The only remotely exciting part was when a guy was getting his leg sawed off and screaming in pain. I kinda feel bad for the guy since A) there were no anaesthetics used and B) The guy sawing off his leg went crazy, leaving his leg half detached to his body. Kind of gory, but the rest of the movie pretty much well ok I wouldn't say it sucked but it was kinda meaningless.

---

I have a pile of homework to do. Oh no.

From urbandictionary.com:

brain-fart

A total lack of recognition.
A silly mistake.
Can be stress related.

Yea, that's pretty much what happened during my council speech. With somewhat great enouragement from my class, I walked up feeling somewhat confident. As tempted as I was to swagger, it took every ounce of willpower in my body to not make a fool of myself before I even make my speech.

All I did was delay the inevitable for a matter of seconds. Apparently, the part about not talking about the benefits of making me a councillor because 30 seconds wasn't enough came off as arrogant. Which also means I already have a template for my 2-minute speech which I may not even have a chance to make due to choir SYF unluckily falling on the exact same day.

The joke part came when I ran out of ideas and started singing. I had planned to " go guiness", but this is pretty much the apex of the brain-fart. I started singing. It was okay for the first two lines, but after that my churning stomach finally gave way and I spiraled out of tune.

What can I say? At least I'm semi-remembered. If nothing else then for being candidate #1.

Random notes on other candidates:

#7 Azlyn : Lots of support. Most probably a shoo-in, unless she decides to really screw it up. Remembered for singing better than me.
#5 Tah Hong : Anticlimatic when sparkler died on him. Should've been real good.
#8 Muslim : Cool name. Also sang out of tune. Damn.
#14 Alvin : Not bad. Flattened hair for speech.

Must... control....fingers...

---

And the work starts to pile up. Lit in MJC is really tough compared to VJC. Also lots and lots to read for History. Econs needs some getting used to but I might just have a chance at passing next Monday's test. Maths is pretty much practice aka fail liao.

---

Apparently VS now has 5 gold awards, 2 with honours. Pwnage la. I didnt think those juniors had it in them.

Go VS!

---

So close, yet so far. Drifting past as if nothing existed. So close in flesh, yet so far in mind.

Then again, perhaps it's better this way. In more ways than one.

Things started going crazy.

I came to school on tuesday feeling extremely sleepy and sian. On the way to the canteen,Javier and I saw a group of people huddled together at the council notice board. Thinking my name wasn't there, I went over to take a look at who i should congradulate on making it.

It took less than 2 seconds for me to walk away from the council board laughing.

Yup, I got in. How I managed to squeeze through, I have no idea.

---

Things however, stopped being funny when Jiayan asked me to meet her after school today. To my utter horror, I was told that I would have to make my rally speech tomorrow. I would be the first guy on the first day, which means that... I am number one! *Flashback to spongebob episode about #1 cap*

Which means I'm pressed for ideas now. Crap. Theres a crazy idea of just singing for my speech but then choir would just kick me out.

---

Still feebly trying to sell tickets.

I am thankful that school starts late on both Monday and Tuesday now. Due to the recent coming-home-lateness due to choir I've been just coming home and sleeping and going back to school. To the point that I basically have no life now. And I've been reduced to blogging at this odd hour of the day where people in VJC are probably moving their lips to the tune of the national anthem while not actually singing.

---

Choir every single day this week. By the end of this week I'll be more deflated than Bertrand's hopes of getting a girlfriend and sicker than Mok's koping skills. For people in MJC, I'll be more deflated than Rachel Tay's hopes of ever getting attached and sicker than Jeremy Lua's mind. So sympathy donations are greatly welcomed. I'll take homework to copy too.

On a side note, I haven't received my humiliating SYF suit yet. I hope I don't look like Ren Hao in a dramafest shirt. For MJC people, think ba zhang.

Which means that for now, Choir > ODAC.

PS: Choir concert tichets are still up for grabs. Buy from me, me, and me only.

---

My studies are in need of help. Lots and lots of it. I'm completely lost in Lit now, after not taking notes for quite a while. History makes me feel giddy. I have no idea what to study. Econs is killing me. Maths is frustrating.

AAAgh. Help me.

---

I just realized that my whole life revolves around MJC now. No outside life. I am such a loser. At least sitting around in the canteen is fun. Not that the canteen food is good though. There sin't much to look at either. So sad.

---

No news yet on council. Am still waiting with about this much hope. --

---

I nearly ran into a pillar yesterday.

Choir today was shitty. First thing in the morning Nelson got really angry. Think it was because lotsa people were late or something.Gave everyone a ticking off. Even made one of the altos cry. When he does start screaming though, I can't really tell what he's trying to say. Took me a good few minutes to process what he was saying.

And I failed another SYF audition. Which is okay since nobody passed.

They gave us tickets today. To sell. $15 each. Have to sell 10. 26th May. VCH. Who wants to come?

---

It's okay to tell a lie sometimes if it will make a person's day, or if it will get someone off your back.

---

Uh, People were giving out free cans of coke light at tampines today.

---

Ran into Andrew today. Got whacked by him. It felt good in a masochistic way. I haven't been whacked in such a masculine way for quite a long time. Most of my bodily wounds have been due to slapping and clawing by certain types of people.

I wish there were better guys in class.

---

Arg. Piles of homework. Shall not care.

The rigours of my shitty timetable are starting to get to me. When I got home I immediately fell asleep even before I ate my dinner. I just woke up. Wowee.

And I have lots of homework. Econs, Cmaths, and A LOT of reading up to do. Apparently I have to finish reading Frankenstein in a few weeks. Even my bookwormish sec 1 self couldn't read Frankenstein in a month. Oh noooooo.

---

Choir practice in 6 hours. Dammit. It's killing my life.

Aight, it's been a tiring couple of days.

While the ODAC people were all hyped up about their kayaking trip only to have it canceled, I was singing away in a certain air-conditioned room. Weehee. I would end up gonig home around the vicinity of 9pm. Shitty. Shitty but fun.

Oh, and I had my council interview too. Bomed out like only a true Victorian madman can. I'm sorry Javier, you have to vote for someone else. Chances are I won't be getting in.

" Why should we make you a councillor?"

" Why shouldn't you make me a councillor? I'm handsome, charismatic, kind..."

" Are you arrogant?"

" No, I am uh confident of my aaabbillitiessss bothhhh ass uhhhh a leeader and a learner."

" Name one weakness of yours."

" Uh I get overconfident sometimes."

" So you need people to bring you down to earth sometimes?

" Uh yeah"

" How would you know MJ's council will have people who will do that?"

" Because I am sure that Mj's council will have capable individuals who are not afraid to speak up."

" On a scale of 1 to 10, rate your chances of getting to into the council."

" Uh, 9."

I am so screwed.

---

Life is shitty when your shortest school day permits you to go home at 4.15. Of couse, being the extra idiot that I am, I promptly threw it away by heading down to eastpoint to see if I could donate money to a blind old man.

Today was pretty okay though. I actually understand what's going on in econs. And more lectures = goodness. I have good teachers yay.

---

Saw a movie during lit lecture today. Ran. A 1985 film about A Japanese king, supposedly based at least partially on king lear. It was pretty funny. I was like laughing throughout the whole thing la. Pretty good job for a cgi-less movie though. How an old man can suddenly fall asleep remains a mystery to me.

---

GO ME! I CAN DO IT! i think.

I got my timetable today.

Man, does it suck.

I get to go home at 5 on Monday and Tuesday, 2 on Wednesday( Which is cca day), and a dreadful 4.15 on thursday and Friday. Which sucks la. I mean some people have 4.15 as their latest day and complain about it.

Also, Long timetable + girly class = direct threat to my manhood = no good. At least the girls are partially nice. It could be worse.

At least I have funny enough teachers. Phew. Chinese turned out to be surprisingly bearable.

Sheena I so want to stab you right about now.

---

Council interviews are tomorrow. Apparently we have to prepare a 30 second speech. On what, I have no idea. I am so gonna die la. I must perfect a 1) sweet smile, 2) alert look and 3) persuasive expression by tomorrow. Oh no.

---

I'm getting more and more tired of choir nowadays, no thanks to the terrible practice sessions.

---

I fell asleep in PW lecture today. Right at the front too. Not very good for my council applicant image.

---

I am really really sleepy now. Shit. I need to be mugging till 2am sometime soon.

As a boy in a sea of girls, I really really hope I don't turn gay.

---

Meditated at home today. But today was different. I couldn't clear up anything in my mind. My mind was like a desert twister. Once near, you can't even open your eyes or you'll get hurt badly. And as I tried to calm down and reflect, I just couldn't. My mind just dosent want to. It's in a tornado of confusion. You can't even take a step back when you're being flung left. right, up and down. My mind feels so blank, yet I can't put anything in like it was filled to the brim. Almost like a messy room or a disorganized library, I can't even find room to move around, and yet I can't pull anything useful out of it.

My being so busy as of late isn't helping things either.

This might be why I'm listening to more and more techno. Helps me lose myself. Which is what I need from myself right now.

---

I was cursing that I was in Triton yesterday. I mean, after you suan tkgs girls for their uniforms for 3 months, the last house you want to be in is the green one. Luckily, that was for my old combi. With the switch in combi came the switch in house. Now I'm in Miranda, the black house, which for some reason I keep thinking is orange due to the existence of a certain canned drink.

---

Someday we'll know
That love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know
Why the sk is blue and
Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you

I am so sorry for not updating my blog for a while, which makes net-stalking so incredibly hard.

It's been a mad rush of a few days.

---

Thursday. Holding an empty student council application form, I happily strolled into school. Then they told us we had to hand it in by 5pm today. Two words immediately went through my mind.

"What now?"

I debated in my mind whether to not apply for council at all and lead a quiet existence, or to apply and give myself stuff to do. In the end, I chose the latter.

I left school at about 12, after Cecelia wrote the obligatory testimonial for me. It was a cute testimonial, I must say. Very simplistic yet somewhat insightful and funny. On the way home I met daniel. As a fellow Victorian, he wrote another nice-sounding testimonial for me. Took my passport sized photo too. I have absolutely no idea how to pose for photos. Then I rushed home, grabbed random documents & certificates, and ran back to school. Then I got Jeevan to write another passage about how great I am, and submitted the form to my CT. If she dosen't submit it though all my effort's wasted. So I hope she at least does that. Wonder if she had anything good to write about me.

---

Grandmum's birthday on friday. Celebrated till late at night. It was kind of fun meeting distant relatives I guess.

---

Choir this morning. Stretched all the way from 9.30 in the morning to bloody 4.30 in the afternoon. I nearly died. Not to mention I failed Nelson Kwei's SYF audition. Which is okay actually, since 1) The SL failed, and 2) only 5 people passed.

Amanda's birthday party after that. Had fun just sitting around and talking with some unfamiliar random people. Not to mention the food was good, and we did the MJ cheer. Esther Lai would be proud of us.

---

I am in A101. This is basically A101 in numbers:

1 : The number of retainees in the class.
2: The number of VS guys in the class.
4: The number of guys in the class.
5: OGLs in the class (I think.)
6: For one guy, there are this many girls.
10: How many TKGS girls there are.
28: The total number of people.

I'm not exactly too happy about it. I feel like a Chinaman in little India.

Choir training is tiring. *exhales* I hope I'll be able to take alot more than right now. In addition to SYF pieces, there's still banner to force out by Saturday. Needless to say, Adversity is staring yours truly right in the eye. However, it does take alot to beat Yours truly in a staring match. So, I have no choice but to pull through this. I can. I will. I must.

Choir concert on 26 May! Anyone interested tell me. Tickets priced at $15 each. Venue : VCH. Quick support MJ! (Note : $15 is quite cheap compared compared to Vj's concert which is priced at $20/$30/$40, and that's not even including the cost of ordering tickets through Sistic.)

---

The reality of taking 4 subs in MJ has sunken in. I won't have any free periods. School isn't going to end early, and I'll have lots of homework to do. I hope I'm ready for this, even if my current mental state dosen't seem to suggest this.

---

Must... Watch.... Movies.... Samara seems to be okay, though it will be hard to get people to watch it with me.

---

I think I'm falling in love with Daft Punk(again)... So... Good...Everyone should be listening to it.

---

I've realized I've pretty much spun into freefall mode where Maths is concerned. I don't know a shit outside of Binomial. I have a lot of catching up to do. My history is in trouble too. I guess I won't find anything out until I at least take a few practice papers.

---

I find that my tolerance level is decreasing slowly but surely. Sometimes people just exude a certain aura which just irritate the hell out of me. And I find myself irked for no reason whatsoever. arghhhh.

---

If only my life was as simple as my room.

I took the council application form today. And my decision is : I'll run for it. Just for fun, since I probably won't get in anyway, so no harm trying. But I do want to make a difference in MJ, instead of just staying there for 2/3 years without contributing anything back. I don't like owing favours. I want to make a change, bring something new to the table, sweep the student population into a tornado of invigoration. I want to make a difference. Hopefully it'll be good.

"But, what if you do get in?"

"hmmm...."

Oh well, I'm sure there are other ways to contribute to MJ.

---

Apparently there are going to be a lot of history make-up lessons to retrieve back the time I lost in the first 3 months. I'm quite fine with it, since I find myself actually being able to pay attention during class.

I think I'm starting to grasp econs now. Must be a good thing. But I need to attempt some questions to make sure my bubble dosent get burst come promos.

I haven't been touching maths at all. I think....I am screwed. Will need to get down to practice once all this nonsense dies down.

Lit....hmmm.... Lit?

---

Yes, Cheryl, you should continue to wave to me.

---

Choir just got more crazy. Apparently, we have to finish painting a banner by saturday. And we're given a $100 budget, and we're not allowed to use practice time to do it. So....not much free time anytime soon.

And SYF is in a month, and there are going to be auditions this saturday. Blargh. Must bear with it though.

---

So many people's birthdays are coming soon. I wonder if I should get presents.

---

Bleah. Yet another un-funny entry. I am so sorry. I shall snap out of this soon, when I get my head cleared up.

Went for choir practice on Saturday, at Siglap South CC. It was pretty fun. A nice change of surroundings. And we did get to watch VJ choir perform their SYF pieces.

Damn, their scary. Nicholas is like a nobody in VJ choir. Not that it wasn't expected. Not that the statement carried any relevence either.

While MJ choir just stands there and sings, VJ choir proceeds to go all the way with percussion effects, animal noises, and wild screams out of nowhere. Shit. Now I'm really doubting MJ choir's competence. And there isn't much time left. I'll be content as long as some choir tells me we scared them.

---

Spent sunday alone, zenning away. A good use of my time.

---

Everything seems to have settled down now. Good. Now I can start fresh.

Should I run for council? Choir + 4 subs + possible council does seem like alot of stress. Then again, I need to keep myself busy so i won't get distracted.

---

I like oldies. Send me more!

---

It's amazing how some nice people on the surface can be absolute bitches when the time comes, and how irritating people can be surprisingly nice sometimes.

And Alexis, I am not falling for your falling tricks anymore.

---

I got chased out of history class today for not photocopying notes. Not a good start. Hope this dosent screw my History up for the entire year.

---

Weariness prevents me from making decently entertaining entries as of late. I am sorry, dear fans and readers.

Sigh.It's been a long day.

---

"Within 3 months, there will be people after my throat." - Me to Xiwei, Andrew, Denys, Wilbur and Marcus.

Well, it took slightly more. One day to be exact.

Sometimes, I just wish I could keep my mouth shut. Now there's a lot of uneeded tension around me. And what's a small matter to me has been blown up by crazy people into something the whole world apparently needs to know about, as if it revolved around them.Which is so freaking stupid la. I mean one person's problem is one person's problem. You don't need a whole bunch of people to do it for you. If he needed help, he would ask for it. This is the stuff that makes things go wrong when they don't need to. No goddamn need to spread it to the entire school either.

Still, if I didn't open my mouth, I would continue being happy, other people could continue being happy, and assholes could remain as assholes. And other random people wouldn't be dragged into this mess

Argh.It's been a tumultous month for me. O level results + this nonsense + personal failure and the ensuing uncertainty = a really really big headache.

---

Regarding MJC, the people are pretty friendly in general. But I don't feel a whole lot coming out from them. It feels so transparent, so superficial. Everyone seems to be concerned about their image and reputation a whole lot. It's almost as if everyone does something with a secret agenda in mind. Not just the j2s either. I can already sense the shallowness in some of the j1s.Something tells me there are alot of posers in the making.

I hope I don't become like that.

---

My appeal for subject combi was successful. Yayness. And it seems like I'm not going to be another Yap Chow. That's provided they don't split the History and Geog takers up. If they do that however, I can at least take comfort in the fact that the class is going to be small and cozy.

---

Falling glass is dangerous.

---

Choir trials soon. And my voice isn't fully recovered yet. Oh shit how. I think I'm screwed. Hope I don't get kicked out of the SYF or something.After that it seems I have to rush down to the national meuseum (of all places) for a history outing. Wonder if I can make it in time.

---

There are still many movies left to watch. Doubt I'll have time though. Apparently the eye10 is not bad. While the Pacifier does scream of bad taste, I am still very inclined to watch it. Spanglish is bad. Or so I've heard.

---

My life is such a mess.

Sigh.

It's been a long day.

---

"Within 3 months, there will be people after my throat." - Me to Xiwei, Andrew, Denys, Wilbur and Marcus. Well, it took slightly more. One day to be exact.

Sometimes, I just wish I could keep my mouth shut. Now there's a lot of uneeded tension around me. And what's a small matter to me has been blown up by crazy people into something the whole world apparently needs to know about, as if it revolved around them.

Which is so freaking stupid la. I mean one person's problem is one person's problem. You don't need a whole bunch of people to do it for you. If he needed help, he would ask for it. This is the stuff that makes things go wrong when they don't need to. No goddamn need to spread it to the entire school either.

Still, if I didn't open my mouth, I would continue being happy, other people could continue being happy, and assholes could remain as assholes. And other random people wouldn't be dragged into this mess. Argh.

It's been a tumultous month for me. O level results + this nonsense + personal failure and the ensuing uncertainty = a really really big headache.

---

Regarding MJC, the people are pretty friendly in general. But I don't feel a whole lot coming out from them. It feels so transparent, so superficial. Everyone seems to be concerned about their image and reputation a whole lot. It's almost as if everyone does something with a secret agenda in mind. Not just the j2s either. I can already sense the shallowness in some of the j1s.
Something tells me there are alot of posers in the making.

I hope I don't become like that.

---

My appeal for subject combi was successful. Yayness. And it seems like I'm not going to be another Yap Chow. That's provided they don't split the History and Geog takers up. If they do that however, I can at least take comfort in the fact that the class is going to be small and cozy.

---

Falling glass is dangerous.

---

Choir trials soon. And my voice isn't fully recovered yet. Oh shit how. I think I'm screwed. Hope I don't get kicked out of the SYF or something.

After that it seems I have to rush down to the national meuseum (of all places) for a history outing. Wonder if I can make it in time.

---

There are still many movies left to watch. Doubt I'll have time though. Apparently the eye10 is not bad. While the Pacifier does scream of bad taste, I am still very inclined to watch it. Spanglish is bad. Or so I've heard.

---

My life is such a mess.