Sunday, January 07, 2007

Somehow, sitting around and talking about what I want to do is a whole lot easier than actually getting down to doing it. The plan for the holidays was :

1. Get a job.
2. Amass a large sum of money, such that I can have a bath in one-cent coins.
3. Pick up a new hobby that requires you to be either outdoors or on your feet to do it without the use of an electronic screen.
4. Catch up with everyone I have not spoken to in a long long time.
5. Learn how to cook with minimal resources, such that in cases that food in the army turns out to be poisonous I can cook my own food. (This has been scrapped, after I realised bringing food to camp wasn't allowed.)
6. Learn a musical instrument, or resurrect a fallen musical career.
7. Write lots and lots of articles so I can wow(read:trick) newspapers into wanting to hire me in the near future. Think they have a column for lazybums?
8. Get a blueprint of Tekong, in the event that breaking out becomes a more enticing option than it already is.
9. Do something really adventurous, and still remain injury free. I think I'm due some luck since the A levels promise to send me on a downward spiral en route to creating a new basement in hell. You know, below the one where all the chariots park.
10. Become a celestial being. That failing, have intelligent conversation with one, that doesn't go "if you don't worship me you can go to hell!" and actually mean that literally. On a side note, if more than one religion says something along these lines, wouldn't everyone then go to hell? And if yes, wouldn't that make all gods liars anyway?

After about one and a half months of freedom, I shall now address these issues in order :

1. Done. Though it's only part time, and I'm paid somewhere more than peanuts and less than olives.
2. As it turns out, having a bathtub of one-cent coins is roughly equivalent to having a blue note in your wallet.
3. I've been saying "I'll think of something" for about a month now.
4. Not for lack of wanting, but sloth to me could be all the seven sins together.
5. Half done I guess, I've learnt cooking but all I do is bake bread. Last I heard, recruits weren't allowed to go anywhere the kitchen, lest the officers find extra protein in their food.
6. Well, the rest of the neighbourhood has done it already, so I guess I could hide the fact that I haven't. The clarinet player, however, seems to be getting better. The juvenile band, however, seems to be getting worse.
7. Do these count as articles? To be honest they aren't much more than bad puns and obscure references to pop culture.
8. Not done. Then again, there aren't much blueprints to collect, seeing as how escaping Tekong consists of brushing past shrubs and tearing through a forest, or shoving hapless recruits out of the way and sneaking on board a ferry. Which is kind of hard to do in plain sight, but if pulled off with sufficient timing would create a new army ghost story for the ages. "Wilfred the 359672976397693476979th might be nice.
9. Not done to the max. Not only have I been doing relatively docile things, I've managed to get injured doing it. A simple trip down the stairs with the lights off becomes a mad 720 degree axel flip ending with a head smash against the coffee table that would make Tony Hawk proud. A walk-and-talk routine somehow ended with me managing to split my body in half, one half landing in a drain while the other remains on land. Yes, it was painful. A walk on a grass patch on New Year's Eve culminated with me getting caught in quicksand masqerading as soil, my relatively new Vans shoes turning a darker shade of brown as a result.
10. Nay. The closes thing I've seen to God was when I was watching Family Guy on Youtube.

As you can see, I am going to go into NS feeling very unfulfilled.

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