To everyone who wants to watch Curse of the Golden Flower.....
Don't.
Watching this movie has reminded me of a few things.
1) Why I'm partially averse to Chinese movies.
2) Why I hate Shakespeare.
3) How big China really is, and by deduction :
3a) How China bagged over half the medals at the Asian games.
3b) Why China has such low labour costs.
3c) Why China can solve every problem by throwing enough people at it. Worst case scenario, population control obviously.
First off, this show is one of the sslllloooooowwwwwweeeeeeesssssssstttttttt shows ever. The plot doesn't really seem to get going until the last half hour, and even then you know what's happening, assuming you've read Hamlet in some shape or form.
Secondly, the plot is absolutely atrocious. The King wants Jay Chou to be his heir. The Queen also wants Jay Chou to be the heir to the throne. So why are they plotting against each other?
There's also a scene where this guy and his wife are running away from Ninjas. The guy gives his life to stall them so the woman can turn the corner, where a bunch of archers are waiting to shoot the big bad Ninjas down. What the hell? There shouldn't even be Ninjs in China. And nothing says meaningless death like dying some 10 metres away from reinforcements.
And since this show is in China, everyone, even the medicine woman must have had some Kung Pao martial arts training. Which they somehow lose control of at the right time. You know, like 1 minute before their prescheduled death.
The amount of incest in the story is also rather disturbing. We have the 40-something year old queen who before the movie started has been sleeping with the prince. Then, we have the medicine woman sleeping around with the very same prince, who she later finds out is her brother. This is then followed by an awkward scene where she runs screaming across the palace courtyard for a full minute or so. You know those comedies where people scream, catch their breath and continue screaming? She actually does this, except that the audience is supposed to take this seriously. Chow Yun Fat also kills his annoying childish youngest son.....by repeated spanking with a strap. If you're into that kind of thing good for you, but that was kinda disturbing.
If nothing else, at least the fight scenes were mildly watchable, but when the climax consists of a bunch of golden guys versus a bunch of silver guys, with no detail whatsoever, it gets pretty boring. It's also kinda funny how the general says take Jay Chou alive, and two seconds later millions of arrows are fired at his army. And he still manages to survive the onslaught. Watch the show and you'll understand. Wait, don't bother watching the show.
On a surface level, there isn't much wow factor to the show anyway ; Girls will probably like Jay Chou, even though he doesn't exactly feature an awful lot, what with cameos for the first 90 or so minutes before getting his butt kicked the last 30. Gong Li really isn't much to look at, and the rest of the cast is in fact rather stale.
In conclusion, I would compare this to The Promise, with all the retarded plotlines and less fluffy action scenes but more Shakespearan over-the-top emotions. It will appeal to emo people but for the most part it's very disappointing and not deserving of whatever high ratings it gets.
And if I can be bothered to write a post this length telling everyone how bad it is, you know it's bad.
Don't.
Watching this movie has reminded me of a few things.
1) Why I'm partially averse to Chinese movies.
2) Why I hate Shakespeare.
3) How big China really is, and by deduction :
3a) How China bagged over half the medals at the Asian games.
3b) Why China has such low labour costs.
3c) Why China can solve every problem by throwing enough people at it. Worst case scenario, population control obviously.
First off, this show is one of the sslllloooooowwwwwweeeeeeesssssssstttttttt shows ever. The plot doesn't really seem to get going until the last half hour, and even then you know what's happening, assuming you've read Hamlet in some shape or form.
Secondly, the plot is absolutely atrocious. The King wants Jay Chou to be his heir. The Queen also wants Jay Chou to be the heir to the throne. So why are they plotting against each other?
There's also a scene where this guy and his wife are running away from Ninjas. The guy gives his life to stall them so the woman can turn the corner, where a bunch of archers are waiting to shoot the big bad Ninjas down. What the hell? There shouldn't even be Ninjs in China. And nothing says meaningless death like dying some 10 metres away from reinforcements.
And since this show is in China, everyone, even the medicine woman must have had some Kung Pao martial arts training. Which they somehow lose control of at the right time. You know, like 1 minute before their prescheduled death.
The amount of incest in the story is also rather disturbing. We have the 40-something year old queen who before the movie started has been sleeping with the prince. Then, we have the medicine woman sleeping around with the very same prince, who she later finds out is her brother. This is then followed by an awkward scene where she runs screaming across the palace courtyard for a full minute or so. You know those comedies where people scream, catch their breath and continue screaming? She actually does this, except that the audience is supposed to take this seriously. Chow Yun Fat also kills his annoying childish youngest son.....by repeated spanking with a strap. If you're into that kind of thing good for you, but that was kinda disturbing.
If nothing else, at least the fight scenes were mildly watchable, but when the climax consists of a bunch of golden guys versus a bunch of silver guys, with no detail whatsoever, it gets pretty boring. It's also kinda funny how the general says take Jay Chou alive, and two seconds later millions of arrows are fired at his army. And he still manages to survive the onslaught. Watch the show and you'll understand. Wait, don't bother watching the show.
On a surface level, there isn't much wow factor to the show anyway ; Girls will probably like Jay Chou, even though he doesn't exactly feature an awful lot, what with cameos for the first 90 or so minutes before getting his butt kicked the last 30. Gong Li really isn't much to look at, and the rest of the cast is in fact rather stale.
In conclusion, I would compare this to The Promise, with all the retarded plotlines and less fluffy action scenes but more Shakespearan over-the-top emotions. It will appeal to emo people but for the most part it's very disappointing and not deserving of whatever high ratings it gets.
And if I can be bothered to write a post this length telling everyone how bad it is, you know it's bad.
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