Most things are never as fun or enjoyable as they look, mostly as a result of overmarketing.

They include birthdays. I am staying away from alchohol for a really, really, long time. Mostly because it's expensive, my IQ drops to somewhere around the region of -200 when drunk, and developing an addiction for it is unhealthy. That, and it tastes like crap most of the time. It's more of the kick out of alchohol than the drink itself. Which again, tells me that teenagers these days can be dumbasses.

They include food. Some food can look really nice. Like, bright-background-with-sparkles-around-dishes kind of nice, or even anime-style-beams-of-light-shining-out-of-food kind of good. But as a self-proclaimed hyphen-crazy fanatic eater, I should know better. In the last 24 hours, I've had calm-inducing food that goes smoothly through the digestive system, as well as food so bad, it's almost like having a crack-induced Michael Schumacher drifting around the bends of your intestines and racing past the finishing anus-line, with a throng of rival formula one drivers, Initial D and Fast and the Furious tryout candidates and large Power Ranger-esque monsterbots hurtling down the 40cm gullet drop, leaving a terrible taste in the mouth. With shit to solid and dense the toilet water would leap up and out of the toilet bowl, effectively saving three entire minutes of the cleaning lady's time. Which would be an improvement over eating one too many bananas and crapping in freefall mode. Then again, most of the crap comes from my mouth. And my fingers.

You can go puke now.