hahaha lit is screwed. I doubt my group member(s) have yet to do anything about the presentation.

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It seems like human nature to look back on past events, and to realize what you could have done to make things better. And then regret sets in.

Every now and then, I look back, and I think that I could be in a different situation now. Perhaps I would not be so anti-social. Perhaps I could be doing sciences I could actually study for. Perhaps I could be doing another cca instead of Choir. Perhaps I could be in Poly doing mass comm, which looks like a missed opportunity, because JC is not the answer to my problems, and makes sure my life ends earlier.

Which in turn makes me think : What are the solutions to my problems? Before that, what are my problems? And how would doing something differend help that? A step in one direction is two steps in another. More problems would probably have arisen.

Like it or not, cruelty dominates the world. From sadisitc principals to oily-faced managers to golden-laced businessmen to wrinkly world leaders, they didn't get where they are now by being kind. No, leave that to people like Gandhi and Theresa. They got where they are by being unfeeling. Cruel to some, but unfeeling. Doing what needs to be done. Firing employees who rely on their income to support five children. Cutting wages to increase profits. Not everyone would be able to do that. Yes, it takes strength to gather the courage to be kind, but it also takes strength to shut out your feelings. To be cruel. Because at the end of the day, everyone dies alone and knows they die alone. So everyone lives for themselves. Life is, in fact, a quest to make yourself feel good. Dosen't matter if you're helping out in the middle of Africa or picking pockets, if you feel good about it, you live. Just that the people who feel good being cruel get better returns on their lives.

However, the cruelest entity of all would be the passage of time. Too often, we do things that we wish we would have undone. Even if things are not in our hands, we wish we could have done something at least to rectify the scenario. Time does not allow this. Every move you make is engraved into the slate of time. Time makes us grow weak, both physically and mentally. As we grow older, our exuberence detoriates, and for some of us, the glaring lack of it just becomes more apparent. Bones grow weak. Skin wrinkles. Illnesses kick in. Science can only deter this for so long. Nothing escapes time, the cruelest entity of all. As our minds are exposed to the erosion of the world around us, what was once pure and pristine soon becomes dreadful realization that while life does have its ups and downs, the downs sure as hell do outlast the ups.

Which leads to the sickening enlightenment that in fact, my ultimate nemesis isn't the differentiation tutorials, the idiots who ignore me and treat me like I'm invisible, lousy parents, or even myself. It's time. Before I know it, the sand has flowed out of the hourglass, and there's not a damn thing I can do to invert the hourglass that dictates how long I live, and whether I can keep up with its pace, or get left behind. I'm being left behind right now.

And why are we left behind? Emotions, or the lack if it. While being numb to feelings results in a lack of motivation, being too emotional often leaves you a prisoner of your own feelings, being slashed and whipped by failure, tortured by sadness, tickled by irritation, and electrocuted by love. These all create the proverbial quicksand that prevents us from moving on. And even if we do, sometimes we find ourselves in no condition to concentrate on the present, being haunted by the past.

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So in conclusion, my life is miserable, my enemies insurmountable and my direction in life opposite. And there's not a damn thing I can do to help it but plod on, knowing one day I am going to be swept away.

Life is crap.