Wednesday, October 25, 2006

It seems things are going to get worse before it gets better.

The brain is like a set of gears, cogs that move together to get the entire system to work. Now take a cog out, lock it in a safe, throw the safe into the evergreen Singapore river and laugh maniacally while you pay homage to the trainwreck that is my mind. For other bad analogies, look up "A few cards short of a full deck", "A couple brain cells short of a pair", "Two trees short of an orchid", "A McNuggest short of a happy meal", "A modem short of broadband access", "A few rhymes short of a rap" and "A piece of paper short of being a policeman". "Screw loose" would probably help too, but at this point it may not be just a screw. Nuts, bolts, panels, Hady's singing career and Jose Mourinho's credibility are flying out of the system and off the face of the Earth as well. I would use a graphical description here, but it's rather pointless when your intelligence is the same line as the axis.

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Does anyone else think that Paris Hilton's career deserves to plunge faster than a one-legged elephant caught in a whirlpool of Meiji milk? I attribute the terrible illustration to listening to her album for a time exceeding 0.2 seconds. Having listened to all kinds of nonsense ranging from Oasis to Moby to the Pet Shop Boys, and at the lowest point of my life, William Hung, which was at least laugh-inducing, most notably his acapellas, I think I know enough to distinguish good music from a mess of notes and words reminiscient of a Gundam banging on a 2-inch keyboard while the inevitably emo boy inside screams at the top of his lungs about the girl he thinks he loves, only to find out by the end of the episode that he fancies someone else.

I can say that when Paris Hilton dies, she'll be a ghost nomad, bouncing between heaven and hell and being repeatedly rejected. We all know how bad the ironically-named "stars are blind" is, but "turn it up" has to take the cake. Three minutes of digitally remangled singing, accompanied by Paris saying "turn it up" in the background in such a lazy manner that you'd think she was mispronouncing "turnip" over and over again.

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I really hope the A's end soon.

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